M To The Second Power
by laughs I moved to a new thing
Summary: Random oneshots that I come up with. All different genres. T for language. Wow, that seems very repetitive. Even so, some are less profane than others.
1. Happy Birthday, Matt

**Happy birthday Matt-kun! This is for you!  
Warnings: _Very_ profane in the beginning—but then it mellows out (hahahaha, no pun intended)…but just a bit. Yaoi (MalexMale, boyxboy, Shounen-Ai, Gay guys, you get the point)—MattxMello…because I guess Mello's kind of Uke in this. Please enjoy!**

* * *

"Bitch."

"Fail Whale."

"Fucker."

"Noob."

"You suck."

"You're a fail to humans everywhere."

"I'm the best."

"I pwn you."

"I'm on top."

"That could be misconstrued as sexual."

"Your head's always in the fucking gutter."

"That may be true, but it's better than where you want it to be."

"…"

"I mean sucking your dick."

"You're a bitch."

"You're not denying it."

"YOU—!"

"Don't bother. I know what you're going to say. By the way, you know what tomorrow is, right?"

"…"

"February first."

"…?"

"My birthday, genius."

"I'm more so one than you."

"Don't make me go Super Mario on your ass."

"I bet you'd like that."

"I bet you would, too."

"…"

"…"

"…e you…"

"What was that?"

"I said…ve you."

"I can't hear you~"

"Forget it."

"You said something. I want to know."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"Absolutely not—I hate cherries."

"Pretty please with a dozen chocolate bars on top?"

"Now that's a bit better."

"So—?"

"Still a no."

"You suck."

"Yeah, I bet you like that, don't'cha?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I can't stand it."

"So you say."

"…"

"So what did you say?"

"I'm not telling!"

"Such a childish thing to say."

"Fuck you."

"I'd be willing to bet that you'd like to."

"…"

"And sticking your tongue out like that. _That_'s real mature."

"…Fine, you wanna know what I said?"

"Yes."

"Fine, I said—"

*DING DONG*

"Stupid clock, ringing midnight."

"So you said…?"

"Fine. *!"

"Jeez, no need to run away so fast. I'd've walked away anyway—I heard him the first few times. Just wanted to make him say it again."

**

* * *

**

***I love you bye bye now I have something to do. Just in case you guys couldn't figure it out. ^^U**

**Welp, here ya go! My story for Matt-kun's birthday. I love you, Matt-kun!  
Anyway, this is the first installment of my _M to the Second Power_ story. Just a bunch of random oneshots with the pairing MelloXMatt. Although, some may be MattXMello. Meaning Matt would be Seme. I always put the Seme first, and the Uke second: SemeXUke. :D  
And remember: just one review a day can help a Mello…get more chocolate…? Hahaha, I don't know. Oh well. :D**


	2. Puzzling

**Title:**_ Puzzling Discussions_  
**Rating:**_ T (language and some sexual innuendo)_  
**Genre: **_Humor, Friendship/Romance_  
**Summary: **_Activity night in Matt and Mello's apartment never seems to go as planned…_

"I don't think it'll work, Mello."

"No, Matt, trust me on this. It'll work, I know—I've done it before."

"Fine. But when it doesn't, don't start crying again. That's not something I really wanna see, especially coming from an ex-mafia boss. It's a little creepy."

"Don't worry, I won't start crying. And I just had something stuck in my eye last time, that's why my eyes started watering."

"Yeah, something called a tear."

"It was an eyelash!"

"Mmhm, okay."

"…"

"…See, what did I tell you, Mel? My piece is just way too big."

"No, yours isn't too big—mine's too small."

"Exactly."

"Alright, look Matt, don't go getting all cocky just 'cause yours is so big."

"I can't help it. It's in my jeans or genes or something, I dunno." *

"What's the difference?"

"Dunno."

"Well, this just isn't gonna work. These are the last two…things left, and they aren't fitting into the holes!"

"You don't remember what they're called, do you, Mells?"

"…"

"I didn't think so. Puzzle pieces, Mel, puzzle pieces."

"Stop calling me Mel! It makes me think of that Gibson guy, the one from that movie we saw."

"The one that had you so scared that you couldn't go outside after dark unless I was with you?"

"…Yeah, that one."

"What was it called…Signs, right?" *

"Yeah."

"It was a good movie. That kid, though, I kept expecting to die. I mean, after he lost his inhaler, every time he had an asthma attack, I kept thinking, _die already, kid! Jeez!_ I know that sounds bad, but it was true. And what was the deal with the aliens? They looked like those cave creatures from that SNL with Justin Timberlake." *

"It was the single scariest fucking thing I've ever seen. Those cave creature alien things will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life, Matt."

"Yeah, just go back to the puzzle, okay?"

"There's no sense in it. The pieces are missing—don't look at me like that, Matt—so why don't we just go do something else?"

"What, you mean each other?"

"Almost exactly what I had in mind."

"…Almost?"

"Y-yeah, I—"

"Just get over here."

**Notes****  
**_* Yes, they're geniuses. But…I dunno. I had to do that. :D__  
* I don't own this movie.__  
* Alright, a couple notes for this one: __  
- first, Matty's thoughts were actually my mom's thoughts when we saw the movie. __  
- Second, the whole cave creature thing. For anyone who doesn't watch SNL (Saturday Night Live), Justin Timberlake was the host-slash-musical-guest that night, and they did a sketch called "Hip Hop Kids, episode 42: Yo, Yo, Yo, How Do W__e Get Out Of This Mineshaft, Yo?__" and there were these cave creatures in the mineshaft they were stuck in that ate one of the guys. It was funny._

**A/N: And so there goes my second Just Dialogue thing. Next chapter actually has narration, and personally, I'm pretty proud of it. It's not that long, only about a page and a half, same as this, but it took me…eh, about a month and a half to write it. Pathetic, I know, but true.**

**So for this chapter, it originally was only about 12 lines, it was written in a notebook (I actually typed this up **_**after**_** I finished the next chapter…long story****, explained in my blog****), and both Matty-kins and Melly-poo were horribly OOC. I also made up a bunch of this stuff as I typed it up. **

**And yes, the title is lame**** (…as is the ending)****. I couldn't think of anything, but I wanted to give it a title, 'cuz it's a oneshot not just some random chapter in some long story I'm writing…which, actually, it is some random chapter…but a oneshot nonetheless.**


	3. Mornings Like There are Typical for Us

**Mornings like these are Typical for Us**

The annoyingly loud theme music from the Super Mario games blasted from the tiny speaker on Matt's cell phone, startling both him and his roommate from their slumber. After a moment, Matt lifted a hand from under the warm, soft quilt which he was currently underneath (_When was this put on top of me?,_ he wondered), and fumbled around for the phone. It seemed to get louder and louder still, causing Mello to shout various unmentionable profanities at his roommate, his roommate's phone, and the phone's owner's nauseatingly aggravating choice of alarm tone. Matt, arm still fumbling, shivered faintly at the very unusual temperature for Los Angeles. He figured, though, that since it was wintertime, this sort of weather should be expected.

Once Matt's fingers touched something cold and possibly plastic – or whatever material it was that phones were made of, he was never one hundred percent sure – they paused a moment, and began feeling more vigorously, until he felt the hard surface of his bedside table. His hand flattened, and the palm-sized mobile stung his hand from the cold. His warm flesh muted the sound to some extent, but he dropped it and fell back asleep.

The sound of Matt's soft snoring filled the room, and Mello's eyes flew open. How could the gamer sleep at a time like this? His phone was going completely haywire, _and_ fell on the floor – Mello still wondered why he hadn't yet placed a couch pillow or something of the sort in that spot – and he felt he had the right to go and fall asleep?

Oh, hell no.

The chocoholic flung the blanket off of himself, climbed over his video game-obsessed friend, and looked to the floor. He almost fell, face first, so he placed his hands on the cold floor to hold himself up. After a few moments of looking on the floor, as well as the blood rushing to his head and his blond locks getting into his face and near-blinding him, he noticed Matt's cell phone, still emanating the annoying, lyric-less music a few feet from where it normally was.

Weird.

Nonetheless, Mello made several attempts at dragging the phone to where it was within arms' reach so that he could wrap his hand around it and crush it like he knew he should be able to. As he made his final attempt, simply grabbing it with his hand, his other slipped, causing him to crash to the floor, which, in turn, caused him to string even more profanities than before with refinement, as though he has done this a thousand times – which, knowing Mello, you would know that he has. Grumbling, he crawled to where the phone lay, and lifted it close to his face. He flipped it open, punched some buttons, and the room became quiet.

"Mmm…Mells, wha' happ'n'd to the pretty, pretty music?" came a voice, slurred and sleepy, from behind the blond on the floor.

"Damn it, Matt, that music isn't _pretty_! It's the spawn of the devil!" After tossing the phone onto the bed as hard as he could—and receiving an exclamation of pain from his roommate—Mello stood and began to head down the stairs. "I'm gonna make coffee. You want some?"

He waited a moment for an answer from the gamer, but there was none. Only his soft snoring filled the room once more, causing the blond to shake his head and walk down the hallway and into the kitchen.

Flipping on the lights in each room he entered on his trek to the kitchen despite knowing the apartment like the back of his hand—better, probably, because he'd been living here so long—Mello rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He switched on the coffee maker, poured in the water, then the ground coffee beans, and waited for the coffee to drip slowly down into the pot.

"Damn old ass coffee maker…" he grumbled, not noticing the redhead in the room.

"You know it'll work faster if you start it at night, right?"

"I swear to god, Matt, if you smart-ass me one more time, I'm leaving."

"That's not what you said last night~," Matt sung, skipping over to his room-mate and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"If you skip to me—or _anywhere_, for that matter—one more time, I'm calling a therapist for you. Seriously, it's really gay."

Matt thought for a moment, then smiled. "Aren't _you_ gay? I outed myself back at Wammy's, so everyone knows _I_ am, but you were so far in the closet that you were finding Christmas presents. In July."

Mello shot a glare in his room-mate's direction, saw the dim-witted smile, and tried his hardest not to smile back. "'Outed' isn't a word, stupid—wait, th-that's not the point! I don't want everyone thinking _I_'m gay! And that insult's been used way too many times, dumbass. Think of a new one."

The gamer's smile faltered a tiny bit, deep in thought. "But…you are…aren't you? Gay, I mean." His eyes became watery, threatening to spill over. _Thank god for my ability to cry on command. I always knew it would come in handy one day…_

A sigh passed Mello's lips. Without a second's thought, he sauntered over to Matt and embraced him in his arms. He felt Matt smile against his chest and pulled away.

"I swear to god, if you're fake crying again, I'll—"

Mello was cut off by Matt's lips, soft and warm, pressing against his own.

**A/N: And thus, the third installment to my little oneshot collection. I've been wanting to do a sort of typical morning for some pairing, but I didn't know whether to do it for MelloxMatt or for a pairing for a different anime entirely—namely, Hetalia…basically my guilty-pleasure-slash-obsession right now. It's pretty fucking awesome.**

**This basically started when I was groping for my phone one night while it was dark to check the time (my computer doesn't show the correct time or date, long story short, it's fucked up…I dunno why). I originally had Matt as * and Mello as ^, but then I decided, "why not make it for M to the Second Power?" As such, you get this. **


End file.
